Even in high-performing organisations, feedback is often avoided, feared, or weaponised. And when it’s absent, learning slows, trust erodes, and small issues become culture-wide problems.

So what’s really getting in the way of meaningful, everyday feedback? And how do we start shifting that sustainably?

Why feedback still feels so hard

We know feedback is essential to performance, culture and learning. But here’s the truth: we’re human. And feedback giving or receiving it can feel like a threat.

From the lens of a psychologist, it’s no surprise. Feedback pokes at our core needs: belonging, competence, and safety. No wonder we avoid it.

Here are the blockers I see most often across leadership teams and organisations:

  1. 1

    The human brain isn’t built for it

    • We’re wired to detect threat. Even “constructive” feedback can feel like danger to the nervous system.
    • Identity kicks in. If feedback threatens how we see ourselves, it gets rejected or distorted.
    • Negativity bias means we fixate more on what’s wrong than what’s right even in praise.

    The brain processes feedback emotionally before logically. We can’t coach that out but we can build skills around it.

  2. 2

    The culture isn’t holding it

    • If feedback is only linked to performance reviews, it’s not culture, it’s compliance.
    • If senior people don’t model it, no one else will risk it.
    • If feedback is always top-down, it’s not really culture, it’s hierarchy.

    In too many organisations, feedback is talked about, not practised. That gap speaks volumes

  3. 3

    The skills aren’t there to support it

    • People aren’t trained to give or receive feedback skilfully.
    • There are no rhythms or rituals so it stays ad hoc, awkward, or absent.
    • The language is missing: we don’t know how to say it, so we don’t.
  4. 4

    The systems may be in opposition to it

    • If feedback is linked to pay, it can be weaponised.
    • If you need positive feedback to get promotion, it’s open to abuse.

    Be honest about how feedback is currently perceived in your organisation. If it’s always seen as high stakes, truth may be avoided.

So… what do we do about it?

A feedback culture doesn’t start with frameworks. It starts with psychological safety, leadership modelling, and deliberate habit-building.

Here’s what we’ve learned at You Collective, working with hundreds of leaders across industries and regions:

  1. 1

    Build safety before feedback

    • Feedback won’t stick where people don’t feel safe.
    • Create spaces where people can be honest, without fear of judgment or career risk.
    • Celebrate the act of giving feedback not just the outcome.

    If your people don’t feel safe to speak the truth, they’ll say what’s acceptable instead. That’s a cultural cost.

  2. 2

    Train for the skill – and the nervous system

    • Teach the basics (like SBI* or COIN**) but go deeper: include emotional intelligence, self-regulation, and curiosity.
    • Help people ask for feedback and advice. It’s a muscle and a mindset and both can be trained.
    • Focus on real-life practice. Not just e-learning or theory.
  3. 3

    Make feedback a rhythm, not an event

    • Embed it into 1:1s, team check-ins, project wrap-ups.
    • Create feedback rituals: end-of-week “keep, start, stop”, or monthly peer shout-outs.
    • Link it to learning and growth not judgment.
  4. 4

    Start with your senior leaders

    • If they aren’t modelling it, nothing else will land.
    • Coach them to share when they received tough feedback and how it helped.
    • Reward those who role-model openness, not just outcomes.

    The most magnetic leaders are feedback-hungry and visibly coachable. They grow in public and that sets the tone.

Final thought

A feedback culture isn’t built by rolling out a framework. It’s built by leaders being brave, consistent, and deeply human.

It’s about shifting the energy in the room from threat to trust, from avoidance to learning, from niceness to realness.

So if you want more feedback in your culture, start by asking:

“What’s currently making it unsafe, difficult, or rare and what small act of courage could change that?”

That’s where real culture change begins.

References

*Situation – Behaviour – Impact

** Context – Observations – Impact – Next steps

Written by: Zara Bates